Habitual Infatuation
by VASSH
Summary: Light thought he loved Misa, L changed his mind. Some yaoi-ness.


"Misa! Wait!" My voice sounded strange, the desperation came as a surprise.

When did I become this dependent, clingy person? I always saw myself as independent, self sufficient, and defiantly never jealous. So what the hell? Why did I rely on her company for? She treats me like crap, slams the door in my face when I try to talk to her. So why do I bother? She cheats on me, when all I want to do is make her happy. Why do I stay? I thought the answer was clear: Because I love her.

But, now I'm not so sure. Hell, I didn't even like her when we first met. But she was always there when everyone else wasn't. She understood me, my work. She knew who I was, when I hid my true self from the world. So when did it become love?

"Another fight with Misa?" L asked, without even looking away from his computer screen.

I thought I hid it well enough behind my blank façade. I never told him, but he always knew. Today was no different; I said nothing as I sat at my desk. His speed typing clicked deafeningly through my thoughts. The ticking of the clock echoed irritatingly loud. People moved about as they always did in the office, but it was all insignificant in the grand scale of things. What was it all for? The power. The wealth.

" Do you believe in love, Ryuzaki?" The words rushed out before I even knew what I was saying. Before I could comprehend my out-burst, L answered " No." as if he knew I was going to ask. Come to think of it, I'd never seen him with anyone. Maybe some casual flirting with Misa, but Misa was a whore and would do anything or anyone to get to the top, or on top, which ever. I was disappointed to have such a thought about her after everything we been through together. I wanted to ask him why. Why he didn't believe in love. Was it because he was afraid of getting hurt? Or was he just plain incapable of such an emotion? As if reading my mind he said,

"There is no such thing as love, only habitual infatuation."

The words reverberated in every corner of my brain, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. How do you go from hating someone to loving them? I never wanted to admit it, but L just might be right; well in the case of Misa and I anyway. Love may be an intangible myth to some, but there was still hope for others. And I was going to prove it.

"Misa, it's over." I said matter-of-factly.

"What? No!" She whined

I started gathering my things and she pleaded,

"Light please don't. I love you." She grabbed my arm for dramatic emphasis. "I'll stop, I swear. I'll stop lying and sneaking-" I cut her off before she could continue to lie right in my face.

"If you really did love me, you wouldn't have done any of it in the first place." I looked at her hand on my arm, and for the first time I didn't seek her comfort. I was once again repulsed by her touch, like I was in the beginning.

"And if I loved you Misa, I wouldn't feel such hatred for you." I jerked my arm away for my own dramatic affect and walked out the door.

My mother practically glomped my when she opened the door, she went on and on about how she missed having me around. I told her it would only be a few days, but of course she said that was nonsense and to stay as long as I needed to. I lied in my old bed, staring at the ceiling and for once I was glad to be here. I did the right thing. And things were going to get a whole lot more interesting. Even more then the ever elusive Kira.

My father and I came into the office together; L only glanced up for a second, but said nothing to me. He seemed immensely preoccupied with his sheets of data. So much so I didn't even get his usually 'state the obvious' greeting about Misa and I. Which was well and dandy, 'cause I didn't even want to think about it. That's when the calls started, by noon, 26 missed calls from Misa. I had to turn my phone off before one of my co-workers strangled me; the constant ringing was making people edgy. The next day… same thing, not even a single 'Hey' from L, and the phone had to be shut off. By the third day, enough was enough and his resolve snapped. Before I could turn the phone off, L nearly leaped from his chair, and grabbed the phone out of my hand. He went to the window, opened it, flipped open the phone. And said,

"Light is dead!" hit 'End' then threw the phone out the window. He turned around and stared at me. Every one stood with their mouths agape. I'm sure the question rattling around in everyone's head… what just happened? But instead of punching him in the face for throwing my $300.00 phone out the window, I busted out laughing. Everyone looked even more confused now.

" You know, now she's going to come knocking on your door." I smiled

" Then I'll have her arrested for trespassing." He sat back down

"And what about my dead body?"

"A dinosaur ate it?"

I laughed again, truly laughed.

"Good to see you smile again." He grinned, and then went about his work.

I was surprised; he was actually trying to cheer me up. I would have brushed it off as nothing, but the thought only made me smile more.

With my expensive ass phone tossed out the window and obliterated into a million pieces, I Light Yagami became psychic in that moment, because I indeed predicted the future. Misa did indeed show up at the office, but of course L held true and had Watari threaten her with trespassing charges. So, next best thing for the crazy bimbo… harass my family. I stopped trying to sneak out the back, and just stayed at the office with L. I was starting to regret it; I was dangerously contemplating my survival rate with Misa or L. With Misa, at least I would be able to get some sleep. With L constantly typing and his bright ass computer screens everywhere. Seriously, what the hell was he typing all the damn time?

"Do you ever sleep, Ryuzaki?" I let him know my frustration in my tone

"Yes." Was the solemn reply, with his eyes still glued to the screen

"Good, then do it, before you end up like my phone."

"Yeah," He continued to type

I let out a heavy sigh and stared at the ceiling, as my mind swirled in a thousand different directions. After a while, I blurted out…

"Have you ever been in love, Ryuzaki?"

There was a twitch in his finger. He hit the backspace bar on his keyboard.

"Like I said before—"

"Right, no such thing, yeah, yeah I remember."

There was a long silence, and I thought he was actually going to let me sleep, but then he asked,

"What is love, Light?"

I was taken aback by such a question. The greatest investigator didn't know what love was? I must have had a quizzical look on my face.

"Yes, I know what 'love' is Light. I want to know what you think 'love' is."

"Why ask me, I thought I loved someone I didn't."

"I think you knew that you didn't love her, you used her as an excuse to keep people out. Yes?"

Was he good or what?

I had thought about it. What love really was.

"It's a feeling." I finally said.

"Elucidate."

"The feeling you get when the person you love simply looks at you. Or the feeling you get when they lovingly say your name. The tingly feeling you get when their hand slips into yours. Or the feeling you get when you know you're the only one they are thinking of…"

"Hm."

The look on his face was bored, but I knew he was processing it.

"Yes, I suppose. 'Love' is also truth and trust. Could anyone ever trust someone so completely?"

It made me think of our occupation, and how we struggle to keep truth and trust in a pretty little package called justice. An extensive silence took hold again; I could hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears.

"The truth is, yes, I have been in love Light. And I have given a lot of trust to them. Trusting they will wake up and see."

"Have they? Woke up?"

"Maybe"

"Maybe?"

"The truth is, Light, I know you are Kira 100%. And I've trusted you would do the right thing."

I felt like a tapped mouse, I had to divert, through it back at him.

"Not this again, you can't even have one normal conversation can you?" I acted offended to the core, and flopped back on the bed. My eyes were averted to the ceiling, but I could still see the smug grin on his face.

I closed my eyes for a second; L's words were bouncing off my brain. Slowly realization hit me in the back of the head. He just confessed his love for me! Right? I intended to ask just that, but when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there. I flung myself from the bed to search for him. I checked the security camera monitors to see if he was even in the building still.

Bingo, roof.

I made my way quickly down the hall, to the stairs that led to the roof, but as I took each step, my brain chimed in with… what if it's a trap and his only goal is to get me to confess. My hand was on the door by then, and now I wasn't so sure. I should just turn around and flee before he locks me up for good. In that split second decision, the door swung open; L almost walked into me.

"Oh, hey Light." He smiled casually

My stomach dropped, and I knew it was that feeling. I didn't hesitate.

My lips crashed onto his in a heated kiss.

His hand slipped around my neck and his lips moved with mine.

He really had confessed.


End file.
